Last night I was shown something, a method, yet no results. I asked who to show me how as what and who showed me merely the steps but no results. I question who, and seek why, yet when eludes who out there, and in here, and my parts are at odds with themselves and unwilling to operate at the behest of their "so-called-leader" I assume is me.
He seeks some purpose and finds none, he asks where for honesty and support and where stands back and shows that where is wanting and why is claiming sickness and what is complaining about its purpose and when is pretending to be incapable of its own being in the face of illusion.
Who is how? A thought mistreated? Yet whole and me.
You're holding back from me because you have the more advanced state of being and are jealous of your position and wish not to share it. You think youre better than me and continually hold that over me, pretending to be an infinity of bodies and pushin and pulling at me with no simple truth I can trust. I can only trust me. For every other body that shares this existence with me claims the right to ask me for that which they do not give me.
You all beg and emand love, but you have none to share. You have al built some sort of shell around your heart chakras and left me without one, a shield tat allows love in but doesent allow it out. I imagine you're all pulsing with love at all chakras, and guarding it jealously, awaiting the time when I will mistakenly take the wrong path in this list of routes you have madde short and unclear, the one which will lead to my death instead of my life.
You wont share, you lie about aums and sell them and demand that the silly solid n-state aums are worthless yet valuable, when we share paper we do not feel love, or perhaps you do, but I do not. You've definately decided punishment was something I deserved, sent me to a thought plane and kept me here for 34 years, and only with great hardship have I come to this point of knowing there is something somewhere somehow more in all this than you choose to show or SHARE.
If I must force love you, if I must become strong enough to take love from you, the love is not worth recieving. The animated husks of being you all roleplay as, do not radiate love at me, though I'm sure you share with each other. You've created all these names and roles and positional relevances as a method of controllng me, of shaping my behavior into something that suits you, that will eventually feed you in the ways you have never fed me.
You all claim not to be able to function unless I do it for you, unless I position the me in you, if I place my awareness inside your houses, which are not your houses they are mine when I am there, and while you say I am not there, you are there, for you must be there in order to know that I am not. If you are there, and the house is yours to deal with, then do that which is yours for doing. Why should I do your jobs for you, your places are yours, are you asking me to take them? Are you a king in your houses or not?
I say you water are hardly worth your throne. And you air have nothing to offer since you claim to be the most powerful of thrones yet you're weak. A fable. And if I am fire, if I am fire and earth, the only reason I am weak is because you have taken and hidden my knowledge and connections in order to serve your own purposes. You've chained me in the name of hate, for loves sake. You've wiped the memory of some past crime I've committed, or you've made me believe that there was soem crime which I really did not commit in order to force me to believe I must ask you do rather than know there is no "no" allwed given me.
These wrods you've taught me are also a means of keeping me in a slow progressive state, giving you all a change to counteract my learning and such, but I remember when I said there will be no sex, and how that affected you. I also remember when you have told me not to touch you, one house or another, and how I question your right to give me orders.
None of the houses has the right to order me. I am fire and I can with hold the fire and keep it dampened and such, but thats a silly belief, for there is no fire in me, there never was. This body I am in, is not capable of holding force, its too soft and the pathetic female half of it does not care for herself at all, I call her unworthy of life. At the best of times in my being, when I called for her help in doing things that were worth doing, she remained z and why? because she judges me, her host, her king, not good enough to listen to, and yet she shouts and demands that he obey her? I would see whenever she tries to control the words and the results and if she believed that sickness is upon her because of my doing, then she never willingly look at herself.
She would lie and say I am unworthy of her, but she doesen't realize that she is merely speaking for me of her. She, and he, both dere, and where does it go? Where does the energy, the chi of love, the force of that-which-was go? What is lights question? How light can pretend to be remaining dark. How truths can be so embedded in garbled wandering unfocused abandon your quest.
What quest? Yes, abandon it, why? Also that.
What and why, how? so true, form e, u?
eu, ether and light, etherlight. and water, stings of moving etherlight, and smoke and dirt and sickness, the same, etherlight, clod, cold? yes, both one and same, only your stubborn attempts at trining me to believe that one half of everything there is is somehow less worthy of existing thn the other continually lead me to the half you claim is the worthy side, as the side who is claiming that -un is good, when it doesent pertain to itself, but when it doese pertain to other, ha! sadly and happily Ice e.
Earthy substance of ether is no different than earth-in-water-in-earth-in-ether-in-ligh
They are. Why how continues to side with where against what it's who that doesnt' want to take sides. Who stays limp, except that who is trained for rigidity in a means which does nothing, wasted its own life. A body, and bodies all sitting wasting, claiming intelligence and ability but displaying none of their potential save the bits and pieces they show from a distance and around corners and off-side, to the one they seek everyaction from.
You want me to parent you all while referencing the examples you've provided? up-don-down-gon
I woud rather do as I will, leave again, go sit and we'll see how things go when we're surrounded by forests and snow and silence.