March 26th, 2006

the-gi het-gi gi-het(heat) get-hi hit-eg

Truthfully eh?

"when you truthfully love all,.." from Annes blog..

truth·ful (trthfl)
1. Consistently telling the truth; honest.
2. Corresponding to reality; true.

love (lv)
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

It seems to me that when one "truthfully loves" another person, they would do whatever is necessary to keep their word, to help them when in times of need and to emapthize with them..

I feel sadness when I remember how untruthfully Anne "loved" me. I know you still feel me Anne, because no matter how much I try, I can't stop feeling you.. I hope you feel the pain you caused. You have been the cause oof much heartbreak, much worry, much frustration and sadness.
the-gi het-gi gi-het(heat) get-hi hit-eg

Don't be scared..

Describe to me some of the things you fee you have been learning. I desire to learn anything you feel is new/out of the norm/strange/etc in terms of mental/physical/spiritual/sensational/emotional capabilities.

I can teach many things I am learning.. Have not typed much of it in the blog because "normal" people will think me crasy. Until we gather together and we can grow/practice these skills.. most never believe.. I will spend some time tomorrow in the forest strengthening these "powers"

I can relate some of them to you with simple phrases... We must be together to strengthen/connect/train.. I hoped to train with Anne but she didnt want to learn.. she was too busy with self gratification and distraction. Every time I tried to teach her of something she would cut me off and tell me no. I know some will be willing to practice these things with me soon.. Otherwise I may just leave y'all behind.

Far sight/seeking (closed eye traversal from tree to tree.. haven't really got anywhere with this yet outside the scopre of smashing through trees mentally.. and dead ending somehwre I didn't recognize)

Far feeling and near feeling of others pains/pleasures

daydreaming/image messages - its mostly out of my control, it's pushed on me by "angels/whatever"

lucid dreaming - lucid isn't the word, I dont control the dreams they're pushed on me and I am forced to wake up by my body in order to recognize the end of a message and go "oh I see.. I'll do that, thanks"

body spirit connection, I know the body is not me, it knows I know, I talk to it, it "talks" to me through sensation, mostly to hurts me and tells me i'm about to make a mistake or I act/think selfishly or that something I heard/learned etc is a good idea/concept.. the negative feelings come through my shoulder mostly and the positive ones range from a full body flush feeling to area specific "rushes"

intuitive direction taking from nature : I choose to take direction from any number of things.. colors, wind, symbols, numbers, names, sounds, all of the above, they lead me to things/people who need connection/healing. I have ignored so much of this direction catering to other people, especially Anne. This is probably why the coicidences led us apart so many times, when she is around I tend to stop taking directions from Creation and focus on pleasing her.. "Fleshly desires" are a distraction from good orderly direction.

Channelling the "entities" - havent really done this since january, I miss them, I know they are everywher and I know who and what they are and I know I can let them back in at will, but I feel that in part it is because I have been eating such unhealthy foods and not amping up on brain stuff that they have difficulties exisitng within me now.. I feel that it is necessary to be VERY clean in the mind/body for them to be capable of doing things within me, I'm semi polluted inside now, much more so than I was in January.

Best is to eat only fruits and veggies and nuts. Dont touch meats or meat products AT ALL. Avoid them at all costs. Try to eat at least three kiwis a day, suppliment with every vitamin you can find, take care with minerals. Anything non mineral, double/even triple the recommended dosages. Drink lots of water and teas, drink the tea sediment, open the tea bag and drink the plant matter. Avoid coffee at all costs.

when standing, reach upwards and try to make yourself taller by stretching every fiber of your being as if you are mr fantastic and CAN stretch like rubber.

breath in/out to the ultimate level, take in as much air as is humanly possible, hold breath a few seconds and exhale until it feels like death, immediate inhale.

after a while of practice, do teh stretching lieing down, I'm certain that you will know when is the time, it will feel weird like you are leaving your body, thats the key. You WILL leave your body. Be sure it doesent fall down without you. IF you succeeed at doing this, tell me, don;t worry, theres a line between you and your body, it will call you back if its tired/in danger/needs you or whetver. You MUST come back to it, abandoning it forever is not allowed while it lives.

oh and i learned something about spirit body communication.. talk to your body, when you need to piss and you are "fighting to hold it" forget that, youre not meant to fight it, just ask it to be patient, say something like please body, gimme a moment... the necessity to pee will just vanish for a little while, your body controls itself.

Talk to everything. everything is alive. everything likes to be moved around. eveything! everything likes to be constantly used for whatever it is useful for and also it likes to be used in ways it was not designed to be used. It WANTS to experience and see from different perspectives. Waste NOTHING. Recycle everything in ways which makes more USE of it. Its all trying to BE USEFUL. Its a bit strange to thinkof EVERYTHING as alive, but its even deeper than this, every PART of everything is alive and connected. The eyes on te teddybear, the individual strands of fur, the air between your eyes and the objects, the glass of the windows, the walls, the floors the everythings!

IT ALL SEES you! it sensates in a way i cannot describe but it does not EMOTE. Everything experiences emotions through your body based on your spirit.

Everything humanity considers "animal" is the collective capability of everything to experience emotions.. we exist to experience an aspect of life the rest of life cannot.. we are meant to feel the entire spectrum of emotional states and they go far beyond what we experience now, the intensities are WAY more than current humanity has been exibiting, we have been locking up the people who emote powerfully and drugging them into stupors for years.. its sad.

Belief. Reinstate all positives. Always create positive messages, be very careful with language. Be affirmative with everything, say things that grow you like.. I am growing, I am learning, I can do this or that, I am healthy, my brain capacity is getting stronger.. I can do anything... etc. You create reality.
the-gi het-gi gi-het(heat) get-hi hit-eg

Here is What Mom is on..

Amitriptyline(100mg - 25mgx4 [she took 125mg while on pot, at her own choice])( Amitril, Elavil, Emitrip, Endep, Enovil, Etrafon, Etrafon-A,
Etrafon-Forte, PMS-Levazine, SK-Amitriptyline, Dohme, Sharpe )In Canada ( Apo-Amitriptyline, Elavil Plus [CD], Levate, Triavil )

Amitriptyline is a heterocyclic drug used to treat spontaneous endogenous depression and is extremely sedating. This drug may also be helpful in the treatment of agitation, anorexia, adjunctive treatment of neurogenic pain, bulimia associated with depression,chronic hiccups, insomnia, major depression, or in a patient with chronic pain and other pain syndromes including: Ciguatera, posttherpetic neuralgia, neuropathic, and vulvodynia. an antidepressant drug that acts by blocking the reuptake of norepinephrine and serotonin and thus making more of those substances available to act on receptors in the brain. Of a group of antidepressant drugs, such as amitryptyline, that contain three fused benzene rings and that block the reuptake of the neurotransmitters norepinephrine and serotonin in the central nervous system.

Side Effects: Blurred vision, constipation, drowsiness, dry mouth, increased sensitivity to sun, low blood pressure, increase in sweating, sleepiness, or weight gain. Confusion(present), increased appetite(present, she gained AND lost weight recently), insomnia, racing heartbeat / palpitations, seizures, sexual problems, or skin rashes(Her skin looks very odd) / allergies.

See physician NOW: Confusion or skin rashes / allergies.!!! No one noticed this??

Amitriptyline: Adverse Reactions
Many side-effects can be ascribed totally or in part to the anticholinergic effects. The usual therapeutic doses often cause fatigue, dry mouth (which could be accompanied by complications such as candidiasis or caries), tachycardia, and weight-gain(Present, somehow with only one meal a day??). Orthostatic hypotension(present, low blood pressure and faintness when standing up), constipation, blurred vision(present), urinary hesitancy, and various central nervous problems (e.g. memory disturbance(present), confusion(present)) occur. Amitriptyline has a quinidine-like effect and can cause or suppress arrhythmias(present for the last three years. Other side-effects are rare: convulsions, hyponatremia, impotence, galactorrhea, jaundice, etc. An overdose mainly represents cardiac hazards. Withdrawal symptoms have rarely been described in relation to amitriptyline.

Amitriptyline: Interactions
Significant interactions with alcohol, barbiturates, cimetidine, neuroleptics (central sedation); other substances with anticholinergic effects; monoamine oxidase inhibitors, sympathomimetic agents (hypertensive crisis, general reaction); quinidine (cardiotoxicity). Regular examination of the heart function (ECG) is recommended, especially in elderly people. Limit the prescribed amounts for suicidal subjects! Due to the high cardiotoxicity intensive care is indicated for intoxications.

Elderly people:
Very cautious dosing (increased danger of orthostatic hypotension and confusion): begin with 50% of the usual adult dose.

Amitriptyline inhibits the re-uptake of noradrenaline at the noradrenergic nerve endings and the re-uptake of serotonin (5-hydroxy tryptamine) at the serotoninergic nerve endings in the central nervous system. These two effects are considered to be the likely base of the antidepressant effect of amitriptyline. The drug also has a strong anticholinergic effect and serves as an antagonist on a1 and H1 receptors.

Erowid "Trip Report"

The second drug my mother is on is:

Synthroid(.05mg)- a trademark for the drug levothyroxine sodium. An isomer of thyroxine in a salt form, used to treat thyroxine deficiency.

Drug interactions and/or related problems
The following drug interactions and/or related problems have been selected on the basis of their potential clinical significance (possible mechanism in parentheses where appropriate)—not necessarily inclusive (» = major clinical significance): Antidepressants, tricyclic (concurrent use with thyroid hormones may increase the therapeutic and toxic effects of both drugs, possibly due to increased receptor sensitivity to catecholamines; toxic effects include cardiac arrhythmias and CNS stimulation; also the onset of action of tricyclics may be accelerated)

Clinical effects
The following effects have been selected on the basis of their potential clinical significance (possible signs and symptoms in parentheses when appropriate)—not necessarily inclusive:

Changes in appetite(She eats one meal a day and drinks pop excessively), changes in menstrual periods {35}, chest pain {35}, diarrhea {35}, fast or irregular heartbeat {35}, fever, hand tremors, headache {35}, irritability(she is VERY irritable) {35}, leg cramps, nervousness(I interpret much nervousness in her) {35}, sensitivity to heat(She constantly complains of temperatures), shortness of breath(often), sweating {35}, thyroid storm–like effects (confusion(she gets confused often, missing turns on the road, running the car up onto the curb, forgetting where things are, places, dates etc.); fever; jaundice( A state or feeling of negativity or bitterness arising especially from envy or world-weariness. Yes. Much.), mild ; mood swings(she is happy, sad, angry, all over the place emotionally); muscle wasting(Shes gaunt, thin, does not excercise at all, I'm afraid she is dieing and noone looking at it); psychosis(A severe mental disorder, with or without organic damage, characterized by derangement of personality and loss of contact with reality and causing deterioration of normal social functioning. ABSOLUTELY.); restlessness(a lack of patience; irritation with anything that causes delay. Very much so.), extreme; weakness, marked)—following massive overdose{35}, trouble in sleeping(she complains of this), vomiting, weight loss.

Thyroxine = An iodine-containing hormone, C15H11I4NO4, produced by the thyroid gland, that increases the rate of cell metabolism and regulates growth and that is made synthetically for treatment of thyroid disorders.

Iodine = A lustrous, grayish-black, corrosive, poisonous halogen element having radioactive isotopes, especially I 131, used as a medical tracer and in thyroid disease diagnosis and therapy. Iodine compounds are used as germicides, antiseptics, and dyes.

Also, one a night she takes(NOT with food??):
Enteric Coated Acetylsalicyclic Acid(81mg) DOSING: Should be taken with food.

enteric-coated - Relating to an oral preparation of a drug that has been treated so that release is delayed until passage from the stomach into the intestine.

Aspirin is a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID) effective in treating fever, pain, and inflammation in the body. As a group, NSAIDs are non-narcotic relievers of mild to moderate pain of many causes, including injury, menstrual cramps, arthritis, and other musculoskeletal conditions. Since the response to different NSAIDs varies from patient to patient, it is not unusual for a doctor to try different NSAIDs for any given condition.

Prescribed For: Aspirin is used for the treatment of inflammation and pain that results from many forms of arthritis, including rheumatoid arthritis, juvenile arthritis, systemic lupus erythematosus, ankylosing spondylitis, Reiter's syndrome, and osteoarthritis, as well as soft tissue injuries, such as tendinitis and bursitis. Aspirin is also used for rapid relief of mild to moderate pain and fever. Because aspirin inhibits the action of blood clotting element (platelets), it is used to reduce the risk of recurrent stroke and near-stroke (transient ischemic attack). It is similarly used to prevent heart attack.

DRUG INTERACTIONS: Aspirin should be avoided by patients with peptic ulcer disease or poor kidney function, since this medication can aggravate both conditions. Aspirin is avoided in patients taking blood thinning medications (anticoagulants) such as warfarin (Coumadin), because of an increased risk of bleeding. Some asthma patients can have worsening of breathing while taking aspirin. Aspirin can alter the blood uric acid level and is avoided in patients with hyperuricemia and gout. Children and teenagers should avoid aspirin for flu or chickenpox symptoms because of the associated risk of Reye's Syndrome, a serious disease of the liver and nervous system that can lead to coma. Aspirin is not habit forming. Aspirin can increase the effect of medicines used to treat diabetes mellitus, resulting in abnormally low blood sugars if not monitored. NSAIDs should be discontinued prior to elective surgery because of a mild tendency to interfere with blood clotting. Aspirin is best discontinued at least ten to fourteen days in advance of the procedure.

SIDE EFFECTS: Gastrointestinal complaints (stomach upset, dyspepsia, heartburn, small blood loss). Undetected blood loss may lead to hypochromic anemia. Severe gastrointestinal complaints (gross bleeding and/or ulceration), requiring discontinuation and immediate treatment. Patients receiving high doses and/or long-term treatment should receive gastric protection with high-dosed antacids, ranitidine or omeprazole. Frequently, central effects (dizziness, tinnitus, hearing loss, vertigo, centrally mediated vision disturbances, and headaches). The higher the daily dose is, the more likely it is that central nervous system side effects will occur. Sweating, seen with high doses, independent from antipyretic action. Long-term treatment with high doses (arthritis and rheumatic fever): often increased liver enzymes without symptoms, rarely reversible liver damage. The potentially fatal Reye's syndrome may occur, if given to pediatric patients with fever and other signs of infections. The syndrome is due to fatty degeneration of liver cells. Up to 30 percent of those afflicted will eventually die. Prompt hospital treatment may be life-saving. Chronic nephritis with long-term use, usually if used in combination with certain other painkillers. This condition may lead to chronic renal failure. Prolonged and more severe bleeding after operations and post-traumatic for up to 10 days after the last aspirin dose. If one wishes to counteract the bleeding tendency, fresh thrombocyte concentrate will usually work. Skin reactions, angioedema, and bronchospasm have all been seen infrequently.

In addition Mom smokes over 25 cigarettes a day. So.. lets see what we can learn about the combination of the above chemicals..

What happens when you combine:
Nicotine (lets say 25 smokes a day)
Caffeine (a couple coffees and a couple glasses of pop)
Enteric Coated Acetylsalicyclic Acid (81mg)
levothyroxine sodium (.05mg)
Amitriptyline (100mg)

I don't find any studies on the combonation of these things..

Some other things Mom has as "symptoms"

A Giant bruise on her arm where they took blood two days ago. Excessive bruising.

She complains that she does not taste salt anymore..

Leathery skin.. spotting..

I asked her to write more things down so I will add to this post later.. I feel like this collection of information is very scary in terms of the systems inability to properly treat someone or monitor them. They do not preform proper physicals, Mom has spoken about numerous problems she has had with the physicians who have treated her, she states that her current doctor does not like her and tells her that all of her problems are in her head..
the-gi het-gi gi-het(heat) get-hi hit-eg

She is still

Everything to me. She just has to let go of watever it is inside her that allows her to go crazy. She did not want to come to Halifax, she did not want to help me. She constantly said she did not love me until she was in my arms and we were touching.. then she loved me.

She said before she did not love the man, she loved the dream. The man must have been the dream then, she was dreaming me. I remember when we first met, I remember the moments we spent touching and holding each other, I remember the love and the trust and the openness and the respect.. where did it all go?

I remember changing my life for her. I remember going where she wanted to go, doing what she wanted to do. I remember inviting her in. I remember carrying her things, I remember giving her more chances and saying I'm sorry. I remember apologizing and making big changes in me. I remember loving her and I still do.

I remember getting upset when she would not listen. I remember feeling sad when she abandoned me. I remember her smell. I remember how she feels in my arms both clothed and naked. I remember how it feels to be inside her. I remember her taste. I remember the sound of her voice and laughter and screams of both passion and rage. I feel inside and out like she is still with me and really does still care and love me but is just angry that things did not go her way.

I remember the times when we fell in love, I remember the times when we made love, I remember the art we made together and the moments spent with friends and alone together talking, camping, eating, embracing tightly like there was noone else in the world but us. I remember our dreams and I dream of her when I sleep and when I am awake. I remember the night we met and the look in her eyes when she saw me in Halifax and we embraced. I remember her smile and the softness of her skin. I remember defending her from an agressive guy in Halifax and I remember fighting to get a stupid drug dealer who tried to steal my weed off of her when she tried to get it back. I remember staring into her eyes on the couch that night and knowing that this girl was turly the one for me. I remember staring into her eyes the night we aksed each other to marry us and I knew we were connected and I knew I would love her forever. I remember it all, I feel it is still happening now, as if it is still that night and we have only gone to sleep and this has all been a dream. I remember the night in the woods around the campfire with friends when she came out of the dark like a nymph. I remember every embrace and every kiss and every smile and every touch. I remember all of it.

I remember walks at night and in the day, I remember skateboarding beside her and eating and shopping and doing deco and dancing beside her. I remember her hair in my fingers and her neck in my arms, I remember sleeping in the cab of an 18 wheeler beside her and being in love. I remember sleeping in the grass before harvest festival and walking through the fields and watching her swim naked after. I am in love with her. I am in love with her. I dismiss all the bad things now. I forget them all, they no longer exist.