May 21st, 2006

the-gi het-gi gi-het(heat) get-hi hit-eg

Magic Moments

You know the memories are still holding on, I feel fear whenever we speak, you mean so much to me and I still don't want to let go, I want you. Why is it? We embrace the future more than anyone yet we're stuck living in the now and it's so full of distraction from our true purpose we never get the ball rolling on the truly important things.

Decorating parties is hardly accomplishing anything solid, I know this, it's a sort of quick fix, a "this'll do for now since doing the real impactful stuff doesen't seem feasable at the moment".. arghness.

Why is important, truly important now? If it all comes down to emotional energies, and we're ment to obviously be free enough to just feel fantastic to be alive then important does not exist. Its a concept, a societal program designed to give us forward motion, a way to keep us tied up in an everlasting attempt at fitting into the structures binding us to the money/ownership/posession system which is so overly saturated with misinformation we never really accomplish anything important at all.

Why do we throw parties? To have fun in groups? To gather like minded people together so they can all get relatively intoxicated on one thing or another, be it drugs or blissful dance or whatever... an then end the night off with some sex? Body over spirit. Feelings over real things.

Emotions are temporary, they travel the spectrums from one end to another, up and down, constantly subject to evaluation and revision determined by desires our bodies force into our spirits.. Bodies are the vessel of sensation. Sensation is a trap. What is thought? Observer evaluating sensations.. it's purpose to make decisions which always relate to the body. Do I feel happy? Does this give me sensations of pleasure? How can I amplify the pleasure? How can I achieve "bliss"? Why? Is our concept of happiness truth? Is truth reality? Is reality happiness? Why do I cry during truly happy moments when I watch films? Why don't I cry when things seem to make me truly happy in reality? Why don't I laugh when I feel sad?

We are trained from birth to believe that the emotional spectrum is truth and that aspirations in regards to it mean conforming to societal impressions of the norm and that everything revolves around the happy state which can only be maintained through accomplishments and connections and such.. all of this is so confusing now to me.

I ought to be making a real difference but here I am again, back in Montreal, not getting anything REAL done, making art from trees and uv paint and ink for events which have no true impactful realness behind them for people who are not truly seeking anything above and beyond sensational satisfaction for the moment.. with friends who appear to have no solid determination to participate in serious change.. It's rubbed off on me, I shrug at it all now.

I don't want to be in this time, I want to go back to the past when technologies and media misinformation and overpopulation didn't force me to exist as a slave to surrounding systematic conformity. I want to return to planetary innocence.

Remeber the morning we ate bagels at Agrinion Mall after campin in the park? Remember the long talk we had then, one of the best ever memories, I want that again, not just the time together or the talk, but the seriousness of it all, the real heart behind it that brought us together was a like minded desire to really make a difference, remember? You and I are so alike, you and I both know it, it's merely the last few months of instability which pushed us apart, brought about scenarios where neither of us were able to be and do the things we ought to have done. Dissapointments that divided us and caused us to stop looking clearly at each other.

I still see all of it, the past, the now, the future, you, me, us. I realize after a while apart from you that nothing can destroy the love I feel for you, I see you in everything I am, I just haven't been being me for a while and that's why we've fallen apart.