"Disruptions to your routines may not be such a problem now, for this could just be a way to release hidden tensions. Even if you are trying to maintain stability at home or in your relationships, conflict will likely find a way to the surface. This probably isn't a new issue, for the process may have started a few days ago. Don't avoid talking about it, as awareness is necessary for healthy change."
Dreamed last night.. awoke with pains of sadness and nervousness, all inside is restless, after a weeked of recuperation and release, truth coming clean, hard.. now is imbalanced because of seeking to see futures which are not existing. dreamt of walking dead, dreamt of lost loved ones, dreamt of snowboarding, of being able to walk underwater and of other things fading now.. awoke feeling uneasy.. this day is fresh and new, what is the will of all this day? How to escape this internalized terror and live free now again, free from heartpain, free from memory of mistakes, free to be spirited..
Awaiting her return appears to be most difficult, what she feels, what she knows, what she thinks mean so much, she feels the universe happily giving direction naturally and with this series of events, we certainly hurt her in ways we never wanted to, never. Nothing can change the events, they're past, only the now remains and now is alone time, alone with fingers and pixels and texts and confused emotional states, regrets, newfound resolves..
Must go on, must heal, grow, plant seeds and love all, must stand tall and face deeds, look hard at the truths and hide none.
This place is no longer welcoming, it has not been so for some time, the enrgies are at odds, fighting, argueing, bickering, tension abounds amongst previously contented companions, much revolves around the subject matter of ownership, posession, money, pain is obvious.. final day here.. ready now to go, clouded though, afraid..
How does so much fear come into us? Please let go of the fear.. when will the call arrive from the orchard? The verification, unnecessary surely as the names are listed and slots include us.. So many impactful energies abound here.. waiting is most difficult.. Not knowing is moreso.
Desire tears to flow, to unleash the energies tearing us up inside, not easy, why? Simple thing, let it go, open the gates, free the darkness and be light, lighter, now we sit and write and write, nothing else to do but this.. time to finalize packing, to distribute remaining items not bound to be transferred with us to those here, holding no negative feelings for these friends who are at odds..
IS all of this caused by us? Are we the precursor to chaos? WE idealized a rainbow family residence, though the dream was not realized here, these rainbows became storm clouds and the rain fell loudly and lightning strikes constantly.. the thunder is clearly audible even now.. Do we look at the events and dissassociate from them, let go of our part in the causality knowing that the universe meant for this direction to be travelled? Do we observe the infinite possible paths taken and see those bright and sunny, flower filled ones which were meant for us and wonder why we do not sit now laughing and smiling and enjoying life together.. bells toll from the nearby religious reinforcement signalling noon.. time now for noon..
More waiting.. more internal beration and debate.. again apologies for all.
Words are not preplanned, what ought be said, how we feel, how we are now.. cannot continue.. love will not permit it, the desire to give love and not request it is dense within, we know how in the past we emitted an air of low self esteem/worth etc and it was not acceptable, serving to drive her away and hurt us both more than heal us.. the joy is hidden now tho, behind clouds of unknow. We need her to be happy, we want her to be happy, we live for her happiness, the happiness she shares with all.. it is what we live to be too, we all do.
Actions, memory, trapping us in seeking happiness in a future now rather than just being whole now and happy now.. imbalance exists awaiting cleansing and rebalancing and she becomes a large part of it.. always was, now and before now and after now... our heart is on fire and our stomach is churning and feels the heart flames scorching us.. must write these things.. do not trust to speak them well enough face to face.. Want greatly to speak all and do so well..
All that occurs in our life.. we are gracious for. More specifically..
A beautiful, wonderous, loving, intelligent woman is part of us. A family of rainbows love us and forgives us and heals us. A circle of friends orbits us and exudes warmth and strength. A universe of intelligence fills us with knowledge and emotion. A heart filled with hope and serenity resides within us. A body considers us worthy of being carried.. we live together. We learn from actions, we grow with all and become healthier. Now is complete, perfect, whole, no thing is missing now.
How to communicate with words utilizing only positive non divisional/seperative, non posessive vocabulary.
Delete the following from use:
I Me My Mine
You Your Yours
He/She/Him/Her His/Hers ours/Theirs
merely beginning these words continously cage us into ego based existence, concept, mental construct, paradigm forms. Inside the mind form, as do all human words.
Through writing, breathing and lucid knowing, we accomplish the not so simple task of inscribing the words clean of posession and non united first person speak. We feel less capable of doing so verbally, we know enhanced breathing is necessary. We knew this for a long time, we knew, we know, now we do. Do time. Change perspective, focus on breathing.
We will enhance speak, energy, attentiveness to the obvious connection existing of us within the eternal infinite, we will open the emotional floodgate and channel positive vibes into forests and form filled spacetime. Ever happen the acceptance, now.
Réveille moi tôt Comme autrefois Je veux revoir Le soleil se lever Sur notre plage abandonnée Je veux revoir Ce grand coeur Que nous avons gravé Grain par grain Sur le sable doré De cette plage infinie
Réveille moi, il n'est pas tard Pour contempler Toutes ces vagues fécondes Qui venaient se déferler Sur notre coeur Sans l'effacer
Réveille moi pour défier Tous les vents A souffler aussi fort Sans réussir à déplacer Un grain De notre coeur profondément tracé
Ma mémoire conserve Cette image immortelle Du jour de notre rencontre Nos coeurs se sont appelés Nos yeux se sont cherchés Ton premier regard M'a ensorcelé Telle une statue Je ne pouvais plus me mouvoir Mon coeur s'est révolté Mon corps m'a abandonné Rien ne m'appartient plus Je suis un autre Je ne suis plus Dés lors, je suis sans passé Sans origine, sans identité Je suis un nouveau né
Explique moi, comment as tu pu Rien que par ton regard M'immobiliser M'effacer Et me récrire comme une poétesse En vers sans fin Que les coeurs apprennent Par instinct Je suis comblé J'accepte mon destin
Aujourd'hui comme hier Je cherche à inventer Un nouvel alphabet Avec tous les mots A hauteur de décrire ta beauté D'écrire ton amour De redessiner notre coeur Grain par grain Goutte par goutte Dans toutes les plages Dans tous les océans Notre coeur bat Notre amour triomphe Comme au début Je suis comblé J'accepte mon destin Merci de m'avoir réveillé