April 22nd, 2007

the-gi het-gi gi-het(heat) get-hi hit-eg

My Heart

Thanks to Corine, for bringing her existence to 420 the other night, she was there for me, she gave so much time and energy to listening and giving comfort to someone who felt the need to cry again over lost love.

Does anyone know what it means to life-mate, to soul-mate to find your twin flame only to have them ignore it, even while they know deep in thier heart that it is true? Know what it is like to be confronted by pain over and over again directed at you from the mouth and body of the one you are bonded to? To be told that they would like to do the worst things, bad things to you just to make you stop loving them, to stop seeing them in "your reality" in the way you do?

I change so much, bend myself, flex and stretch every fibre of my being to walk softly on the broken glass that surrounds my love, she spreads the glass thickly around her heart now though, she desires to be so free that she is almost alone altogether, an output of joy with no desire to input anything more, at least not from me.

I made this deal with the universe before I was even born, we both did, and I opened my eyes in this world now, I know who we both are and some of what we came here for, and now that it is clear, the tracks and paths we are on are strongly laid and tailored by causality. A wolf mates for life is an old adage, it applies to everything though, and thus we are mated, even if she still denies it, we were mated before birth and will always be.

This dvelops a sad life for me however, one that may be lonely and long until the day she determines it once again within her vision to see the things she saw before. I remember the talks we've had, the things we've said, the dreams we've shared, and they are all so real still to me, so strong, my heart breaks everytime I think of her and I love how it feels again and again.