May 16th, 2008

focus earthy spirit eyes on lives family

Seems like....

Even after all this time apart... http://earthbeats.livejournal.com/ is the only person I know who knows exactly how I feel without even asking me or being close enough to be involved in it.


This reality feels unreal, a fabrication of the link between the sacral shakra and the heart chakra, the 24 connection, 12:60:24:with a 364 twist. I find it more and more difficult to believe in anything anymore, everything I've learned contradicts with everything the world is doing.. I'm surrounded by an anti-message which seems designed to keep me trapped in a virtual reality prison for my spirit.

What if.. what if.... what if . .... .......
But then I find myself trying to explain a thing, trying to relate to another as if convincing anyone else in this reality that theres a truth they ought to understand and thats where I fall on my face and flo-under, for why would convincing a game care-actor they are a game car-actor do for them... they seem not to want to hear, they can't make sense of me, they stutter and hiccup and look at me, head tilted and I feel like everything I know must be true and they are lieing purposefully... (fire)orrrr.. they just don't have the prog.ram.ming in them to ann.sir or understand, they are not d.signed two.. not trapped, they are not players in this game, they are sprites, they are PART of the system and as permanent entities, they can only assist me in my quest to advance to the next level, there is no reason for me to help them, they have no next level, they can only stay where they are, which is where I am, always parallel, perpendicularily.

So where am I? Trapped for my sin.

My sin is "124 818 642" know what the means? Its my literal numerical chakra/chi based SIN, it's what I am here for and it's the phone number of this reality. its a root link between the sacral chakra and the heart chakra with a though link follow up, its the bodies tie between water and air with a feminine water root in the middle, it's waters hold on the airian mind. Its the lie I cannot seems to exclude, or at last have not thus far surpassed, though I know I will, for the fractality does not lie, the stories all say that I will and I trust the lies, for they are all truths, I'm just so frustrated with you, you two, the both of you. Whoever put me here, whoever I am, or was before coming to this place, whatever we three are, I begin to think that perhaps I chose to come here to escape you in the first place, for the more I know about my place in all... the more I can see why I wanted to not exist at all, in all. Why sensuous gratification became more important to me than the necessity to pump my chi and feed the two of you, I became a vampire of the universe, an eater, a shitter, a pee-ness enlarger, and a waste maker for fertilizing the zzzeees, and theres the sleeping, though something says the dreaming which I enjoy so much is where I'm going, for starters when I free my spirit from this addiction prison.. yet.. yet.. If thats what you want of me, why not provide me with some serious aid, why do you continue to behave like a cat... and this I ask myself.. yet pull.. you have the power to pull this, even. eve-n.

I mangle the words to confuse you, yet who d-sided first, I don't even know what love feels like in my d chakra, I only know what it feel like to taste and touch on the outside, thats this reality, this p.rise.on, this stink, this addicktion..

I know what these characters represent, these people who sur.round me in this reality, I know why the D.EB example, the Za.c example, the G.in.a and the Ya.nn and the Mar.k and though... I know there comes a point where I reach the A.nne Ma.ri.e that my lo.g.i.c and r.at.i.on.al and fa.it.h stalls and I find myself faced with a t.rue me... the girl that I am, the girl I wish I was, the girl you want me to be, the me tattered and somehow divided from me that I know not how to re,.as.semble into myself... the fear I shed and still cling to, the joy I lost and still search for, the lock in and around my heart that keeps me here, the lost chance and potential future that foggs everything I do behind a rippling sub conscious thou.ght that even U cannot read for it exists only temporally and you know it flitters too and fro creating distortions through the very fabric of reality, painting the colors of my true heart in the darkest of corners and I never B instead only C that which I wish I was not, yet still cling so tightly to because I feel safe or justified in hiding there, for noone cares to come looking for me anymore, they would rather I never showed my face at all, for I am nothing to anyone... without a quest, I have no hope in a conversation, with a true lust for truth that I seek my words are confusio to the masses and I appear inane and cannot withstand the level of my own education.. better to hide where the in4mation inbound is limited and this body I reside within can... ARRGHHHHH NOOO!!!!!

Enough, there is only so much hiding one can do, more equals less, and I know you are there watching me through spacial temporal fabric, through the eyes and bodies of every being, unleash the languages, let the tongues change their rhythms and tones, evaluate this two-four form and finally develop a path for me to walk which will help me through or dig inside of my spirit and find whatever trigger has me tied to the red light and d.leet it, 4 d.erection, knowing what you've set for me to learn here.. I am losing hold on san.it.y, in the so-called-eyes of care.actors which play as you.man being here, and even upon entering the stage which is set for me on william street.. the so called will.i.am.. is hardly apparent, for you surround me with temptation and demand that I go counter to my entire memory of life which actors con.ti.nu.e to play as if they know nothing of potential, they appear trapped in their pithy roles all the while telepathically sharing my every thought, sensation, and motion... Is it not a wonder I fear to tread in a world where the population IS MY BODY yet will not admit to it directly??? And only seem to have visual/audibull input..


Am I to continue on in a body which only half admits to itself? I know what the woman represents and yet she claims to only play the part because I ask her t, and yet, where is the will for her to be anything but what she is? The body IS a product of us boh, and yet you are infinitely divideda and I have no actually localizable position except for the mental awareness of which energy center in my body is most active.. I am not this body... I am even less, I am a chakra lightly held onto or aware of and supposedly cycling in a world with no teachers of such things.

Help! But why bother.. the details.. the most minute detail is sooo full of meaning.. the slightedt insand of a speck of dust is so wise and yet I am..
the-gi het-gi gi-het(heat) get-hi hit-eg

Lets look at D.EB.

1A. Root
2B. Sacral
3C. Solar Plexus
4D. Heart
5E. Throat
6F. Third Eye or Thought (mind is min.D or brain is B.rain, sadly T.rue/pat.h)
7G. Crown



If D is love, E is throat and B is stomach then 52=EB and 452=DEB..

D eb..

EB= EASTBOUND
EBB= A period of decline or diminution

The sun travels westerly.. thus eas would be backwards.. the sun never EBBs.
Thus darkness also follows the light, the dark is the east. EAST represents DARK and west LIGHT..

Thus DARK=EBB
and LIGHT=SURGE

remember G=crown or light chakra.

Furthur..

Two perspectives on the body.. the human body.. looking out and looking in.

Looking out... left is west and right is east.
Looking in... left is east and right is west..

right is light
left is dark

hmmm.. sweat it.

if every letter of the alpha(be)t and t is rue, and rue be both left and right, dark and light, then every symbol represents the balance of power between light and dark, the symbols float to the east or to the we at west.

How comes the alpha to have so much ebb? see how b is a circle in the east and a line to show west...?

Then evolve..

Alpha/Omega

Om.E.Ga(y)
and as it ought read..
Alda for p is an easterly symbol and d is a westerly one.

p is parcel and d is delivery
(d.eli.ver.y) ver=green/rev
(d.el.4.er.y - t.rue.. 4e=er.y this is true y.repeated.east.4.

How can this be changed if it is true... the words all support it, then it must be meant to be true.. and yet.. how to flow the 4 west instead of east.. how to shift the symbols and the energy towards the ligt istead of the dark.. is this not what is necessary?

parcel is par.c.el and el is female, femle is the east.

fem.le because fem.le is gay male. fe is the omega male, wo.man. wo is inverted om. inverted om is equal inverted rise. EB. Te extra B is where things get slower and rise becomes fall instead of equilibrium..

But does anyone care or am I the only one the truth is a rut ridden.

I read my thoughts in the colors and symbols the world wears and wonder if I am alone, al.one... but I cannot be al.one, for the world must be al.one... and I must be the woman, for it's what I read.. yet perhaps that is the ebb of me which is d.man.ding I change and f.high instead of f.low.. and the world is body and body is fe.el and yet the spirit behind the motion and the sound, the animating force which gives life to the ebb is Al. And everything past Al is Omega not accepting the Ga. For the feeding is fe.e.ding. and the power of this body I re-side in is.... c.on.f.lick.dead... k.illing my so.u.l..

K is water love, k is the heart chakra in the water element. And everything tells me that spirit wants to be air.... and heart air is Y. but Y is labelled A.X.is. and X means no. Though X is a four way axis and axis reversed is six.a/ 6A is third eye linked to root chakra and that is to say tht the root chakra is in the third eye, that fractally, the seven exist within the one and form, 4m is fire love, and we are alight already,yet...yet..