November 13th, 2008

focus earthy spirit eyes on lives family

Whats the Point?

I've studied the words, the symbols, the languages, the names and colors and shapes and angles, the people and places, the times and dates, the sounds we make the places we go, the positions we take and the more I learn the less I seem to be willing to level with us all.

Heres how I see things, a little bit at least, I think it would take reams and reams of pages and words to express the information, an entire library of essence, yet in a simple face to face conversation... it seems like I just don't understand.

Lets take thinly the name, one of the "so-called" names of GOD.


I've spent lots of time, in my waking moments and in my sleeping nights, running this word around in my head, over and over, back and forth, trying to make sense o a word we'd choose to tell the ultimate truth about things.

E sounds like the english letter name E, like the word YE or HE or SEE
LO like the word LOW or the old word "lo" stating "there or look"
HIM saying that GOD is a masculine gendered being

However, the beginning of the name is EL which means feminine or female, connected to the letter O which follows the EL suggesting the EL/feminine states the O is the female symbol.

Now we can look at this symbol another way, we can take the first letter and the last letter, the EM or the ME and the rest as HOLE the ME-HOLI or I-M-HOLE, Me HOLY or I am WHOLE.


Why would we name God with so many names? Why do we even care what we call God?

Yes, I'm upset. Yes, I feel betrayed. Yes, I feel like I've had a game played with my entire existence and that I'm being judged for becoming the being that I am.... I'm a broken being, both inside and out and for what, to be the plaything of the dark and the lights chess game?

Even now, as I type these words, I'm loosing my hold on the knowledge I have of the meanings they have at their roots, their truths are so extensable and strange to me.

I see you are my reflection, you are my voice and I am also my voice. You speak my truths, that is you speak at me about the things you want from me and the things you think I want for myself. You tell me the truth of things as they are, as they could be and as they ought be, and you judge everything I do, ever motion I make and every thought I have in my innermost soul and send me information about it from the mouth of every being near me, as if they are not their own person, as if they are not real people, as if they don't really exist except that they somehow do.

there is a dualty a dual tie of message, there is the modal, form based objective message of, for example, two people conversing and moving in space/time nearby me and then there is the overlapping message, the dual meaning of them without me and me with them or us together.

It is as if GOD uses our voices and colors and motions and such to speak to each other, to exemplify the truth of each of our spirits/souls by feeding our inner selves into the outer selves which surround us.

This is strange and ought to be uplifting to learn of, but it seems like noone knows its happening. I've been aware of this for almost a year now, and I've tested it in many ways, and every time I've tried asking questions of anyone, anybody, any person, directly and face to face, I've been given blank stares and "I don't understand" as an answer.

Though, with one reflection, I've come to another understanding, dig this, the bodies and the voices are backwards, my voice is yours and your voice is mine, when you say "I" and "I" hear it, the "I" is mine and the "you" is "yours"

I am you and you are me, YET, your words are soooooo clearly the trusting truth of that which is going on inside me, even the words from a song or a film or a sign, or the angle of a thing or group of things in relation to the compass, cross referenced with the chakras.

You are connected to my body, and my mind and my spirit, yet when questioned about it, you always seemed to pretend, or honestly state that you are unaware of it, or didn't understand.

I'm frustrated.

I was seeking a purpose, a plan, a goal, a specific action to make in order to free myself from the retraints of this world, this reality or whatever you want to call it, and though I'll save that path for another post, it's the words that come to be so much deferent now to me, that face to face, I am un sir ten.... or is it you...

If you were given the chance to wake up from the dream, and it was the dream itself which was showing you the way, yet at the same time, the dream was also trying to hide the way, trying to make you uncertain of the truth it was telling you. Who would you trust?

Your self and your learnings, or the people around you who are reading your thoughts and giving you a fractal opinion of them, helping you to rinse your essence, but when asked about what they are doing, they deny it.... ARGH

How can I? I "NO" what I ought "YES" and "YES" what I ought "NO"

I see the ICY way I say "I SEE" and thats the way we all say it. It's a cold way to view.

The words are so flexable and bendy, as if, as if... half of reality wants to be and the other half does not, while in the central portion of it all is me, asking the question, "are we ok with this? are we ok with that?"

And still you ask me my name, and I know my name is a sin. A sine, a sign and symbol. And you ask me where I am from, and I am sure that I come from God, or from air or from a hole, yes, a hole, a dark abyss, a by-ass. and yet I am biassed. and you ask me. and you ask.

Are we one? if we are one, then you and I are one, then you and I are the same, and if we are the same, then TELL me where I am from, do not ask.