Here's a recent convo, healing old woo unds I think.
Sometimes i wonder what ever happened to you. We use to be pretty tight growing up. And even though we would fight a lot, we understood each other. It seems to me, i don't know who you are anymore. I just had a look at your wall, and your pictures, and i'm sad. It's obvious to everyone that drugs have had a major impact on you.
Greg i hope your happy with your life and what you do for a living.
I miss you man and i love ya. But, like everyone i love, ill be the first to challenge them to see if there living a life to fullest.
Gregory Terrance Crockatt
November 30 at 4:17pm
look here, view poems and photos AND STUFFhttp://www.rave.ca/member/faster/
November 30 at 10:31pm
Listen bud, it's nice to talk to a person once in a while, rather then read a bunch of poems and stuff. I like to live a life of interaction, love and feelings. Things that are direct, not indirect. This is a fact Greg. Listen closely, you can't even have a conversation with me through email, phone, or whatever. You don't try, and you never did since the day you left Lawrencetown.
Ya know something man? It would be nice to have my brother back. The one that i knew without the drugs, from back in the day. And if it can't happen, it's to bad. Cause you have something special to offer this world, other then trying to speak to people through some indirect passage or something.
Anyway, good luck with everything
Gregory Terrance Crockatt
Today at 5:03am
This text you use to speak at me is indirectly direct. You hide behind a mask of judgement , just as I do, you view the world from some biased perspective, just as I do. I am who I am and I will be who I will be, I speak for me and you speak for you, together we can speak for we, but if you can't accept me and my ways for what they are, then you'r trying to rule me, and don't really appreciate me as anything more than a toy to play with and discard when you're dissatisfied.
I do try. I do try a lot. I see you even though you are afraid to show your true self to me, just as much as I'm afraid to become some sort of actor just to please you. I am not your toy, I am not your slave and I am not your possession, if you want to push someone around and not accept them, go back to your job, pick up a gun and go bully people like you've been trained to. You're very good at it, you're a pro.
Yes it would be nice to have a REAL brother, one who accept and fosters positive reinforcement in EVERY aspect of my life, one who takes interest in the littlest things, both positive and negative, both attractive and repulsive, yet, it seems, I am to be judged and judged lacking, faulty, misguided and raped by my own experiences.
I used to love you at one time, and I'm not really sure when it was exactly that you and I lost that love, or even over what it was lost, the story is not straight and the lesson hasn't been learnt yet, but mark my work, its the stuff I write and the things I dream about, not just these arguements we seem to have whenever you try to invite me into your life and then back out with a snarl.
I'm a wolf. I'm a flow. I speed up and slow down, I splash and I breakwater and I am not happy with everything and I am also perfectly satisfied with all things. It's nothing you did and it's nothing I do, though the thoughts we share they always upset you.
I wouldn't have it any other way. Though I'd love it were things perfeect and laws and opinions and judgemental pressures and prerequisites didn't factor into things, but they do. You try to bend me to what shape you prefer, because you want to be attracted to something that is like you are, I understand. I am the opposite, I don't care if you change others to your way to get closer, I'll change myself and if you are attentive to the changes, if you dig into me and find the things that are not obviously repulsive, you'll be attracted to me and thus I'll appreciate it all the most.
I don't mind being alone. I like it. Noone tells me to do things, no one can force me to change, and noone bothers me when theyre not around, I become what I become based on the flow, the wolf, and it'll be what it'll be, though, yes, from the available information, the yahway, it's inevitable, I must come to grow towards the only eternal direction there is, and thats for me to do when and where it's most "like me" too.
You don't have to change at all Zac. You already embody perfection and that's good. I can't say I love you though, because theres too much of you I don't understand and don't see, theres too much of you you hide deep inside behind the infinte judgements, the systematic classification of attitude and etcetera.
You are my past. You are my future, you are my present. But you are not ME. If you were, then you'd have no difficulty looking at me again and again and again and again and every time you looked, you'd find some way to help, not hinder.
The poetry Ive writ is a good place to start, the words are truths about me, about us, about you, and if you don't look, then you're not really interested in learning ABOUT YOURSELF OR ME.
We are the same. and these words are as must directed into the mirror and back at me as they are you. Though you have me at a disadvantage, and you know and like it, otherwise you'd change it.
A man of many masks and roles can certainly spirit the life on a million faces and reflect the choices and history of one bodied spirit, but one without the pass, walks solitary until the lieing truth teller lets go of the game he plays unfailing fairness.
Today at 10:40am
WOW, thats pretty deep Greg.
First, i just wonna say that you don't upset me. And second, you don't know me. The same as i don't know you.
We are nothing alike other than we have awesome minds.
I can say though, we both took different paths in life. And, I'm perfectly okay with it. I accept you.
I can honestly say that my life is clean. Drug free. There is nothing to alter my mind at anytime other than a few beer here, and there. And even then i would much rather complete soberness. However, i do enjoy some beers once in a while.
Also, i've been an underdog my whole life. I'm okay with it. And i can honestly say that i don't lie and i don't point my finger at anyone, because the finger has been at me for many, many years. I love it to! It helps me keep an open mind, and it creates dynamic ways for me to continually challenge myself.
I am no better than anyone else, and i play on a field with simple rules. I still make mistakes and i try not to make the same one twice.
I just wonna say that i honestly tried. You know how i feel. It's the truth. I do not hide anything. I do not judge.
If you ever want to talk through facebook, or phone, i will always here.
I haven't replied again yet, I think I'll let it rise up in me for a while